Who am I (Essentials Blue)

Posted in Essentials Blue with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2009 by anniebiggers


For: The Institute of Contemporary And Emerging Worship Studies, St. Stephen’s University, Essentials Blue Online Worship Theology Course with Dan Wilt

“Who Am I?” (Essentials Blue)

My name is Antoinette Biggers.  Those around me daily, weekly, monthly call me “Annie”.  To tell you the truth that’s about all I know about myself as of late.  Well, perhaps that is an exaggeration of a heart that gone a million miles an hour since being brought back to life by the power and blood of Jesus Christ. I am quite a rookie when it comes to public journaling, a.k.a. blogging.  So I apologize in advance if my first entry is either too vague or too much too soon. 

 I live in the desert.  I do not mean that figuratively but quite literally, and maybe sometimes spiritually.  The mountains in my city, El Paso (Tx), are brown.  From the air, the ground beneath is brown.  And the only time of the year that our sun is not shining is night-time, so most us are quite brown.  If I may add a bit of humor to break the ice, my car is brown too!

Let me share my history with you, because every good story needs a beginning.  I got saved when I was sixteen.  I do not think fully understood what that meant, and I do believe that I am still being saved today.  I was an average kid, almost unseen.  I got good grades, hardly ever got into any real trouble, I participate in extracurricular activities in school, I didn’t drink, I didn’t do drugs.  Outward appearances I was a good kid.  But on the inside I always knew something was wrong.  I was nervous all the time, I was overwhelming insecure.  I felt like I had no voice, no importance, and no purpose.

 It’s funny! The night I got saved I went home and read the bible.  Not growing up in the church, I didn’t know that the bible had two main sections.  I thought okay lets start in the beginning. I read Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus in one sitting. I thought to myself, “I don’t think I wanna be saved.” You know how I said earlier how I appeared to be a good kid?  Well this really messed me up when it came to salvation.   My one chance at belonging and I couldn’t even get that right.  Why did I need to be saved, I didn’t do drugs or drink or sleep around?  I cannot tell you the joy that hit me when I found out I was a sinner, because that meant (drum-roll please) I deserved God’s forgiveness! 

 I remember when that hit me; I felt as God said “CLEAR” to the world and shocked my heart with a defibrillator of mercy and grace.  It was during worship, and at that moment I just knew I was were I was supposed to be.  He became my God, my Savior, my Source of life. 

 Where does that leave me today?  Where do I find myself today? Am I still where I know I am supposed to be? Is God still my God, my Savior, my Source?  One thing I do know is that I am ruined for anything else. 

 I have been worshipping for 11 years and leading for about 6 years.  The opportunity arose to participate in an online studies course in worship theology and biblical worldview called Essentials Blue.  It done through that St. Stephens University’s Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, directed by Mr. Dan Wilt.  I have to say that I am super excited to begin this journey with the worship team that I am apart of at Vineyard Crossroads Church in El Paso, Texas and other Vineyard Churches across the world. 

 Our first week’s assignments, being out of college for about 2 years now, were quite overwhelming.  We discussed everything from being an artisan to the complicated reality of God’s kingdom on earth but yet to come. 

 So stay tuned with me on my journey as I venture into the unknown that is world of theology and Creator of all things.